


One Piece Abridged: Flashback Arc

by CrystalNavy



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bluejam bashing, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Outlook family bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-09 15:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16452212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: In which Bluejam is an asshole, the Outlooks are even bigger assholes, and weird things happen





	1. Character Files

Name: Monkey D. Dragon  
Parents: Monkey D. Garp, Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: X (the original text said that he considers Sabo as his son and that he has a biological son as well)  
Likes: Unknown  
Dislikes: Unknown  
Hates: World Government  
Is in relationship with: his job  
Another funny fact: The previous funny fact has been deleted because it reveals his weaknesses, which no one can know, because he is kinda paranoid like that

Name: Portgas D. Ace  
Parents: Gol D. Roger (King of the Pirates), Portgas D. Rouge (one determined mother, worships Beelzebub)  
Grandparents: Gol D. Altea, Gol D. Ranmaru, Portgas D. Louise, Portgas D. Gavroche (author's comment: Yes, I totally used random French names for that one; also the name Gavroche is totally ~~stolen~~ borrowed from 'Les Miserables')  
Brothers: Luffy and Sabo  
Funny fact: He is that person that this arc couldn't exist without......because his absence would render the reason for the entire war obsolete  
Likes: Luffy, Sabo, meat, Whitebeard, his mother (in that order)  
Dislikes: Fried shrimp, bullies, Dadan family  
Hates: His father, himself, anyone who threatens Luffy, Sabo or Whitebeard Pirates  
Is in relationship with: No one, though several people would like to bang that  
Another funny fact: He has an inferiority complex and self-hatred issues, meaning he is in desperate need of a psychologist. Psychologists don't exist in the world of One Piece, by the way, which would totally explain why he and so many others are a bit fucked up

Name: Monkey D. Luffy  
Parents: Monkey D. Dragon, Unknown  
Grandparents:Monkey D. Garp  
Brothers: Ace and Sabo  
Funny fact: Everyone seems to gravitate towards him  
Likes: Ace, Sabo, meat, his nakama  
Dislikes: Cherry pies, bullies, Dadan family  
Hates: Anyone who threatens his family or his nakama  
Is in relationship with: No one, though Hancock likes to believe otherwise  
Another funny fact: You don't want to piss him off, ever

Name: Sabo  
Parents: Outlook III, Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Brothers: Luffy and Ace  
Funny fact: He sees Dragon as his father figure  
Likes: Luffy, Ace, Dragon  
Dislikes: Being denied freedom  
Hates: His biological family  
Is in relationship with: Koala  
Another funny fact: He likes watching Luffy sleep

Name: Bluejam  
Note: This profile has been incinerated, because I hate him

 

Name: Outlook III  
Note: This profile has been incinerated, because I hate him

 

Name: Stelly  
Note: This profile has been incinerated, because I hate him


	2. Many meetings and a single stink-bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of farts and douchebags

Narrator: Here, we meet the most lovable trifecta in One Piece, and their enemy, who looks like a narwhal.

Bluejam: Hey, I resent that!

Narrator: *raises an eyebrow* You do? Then you'll resent this even more! *the Narrator starts singing* Zip-a-doo-dah, zip-whany-yay, wonderful feeling, wonderful day! A blue-bird is on my shoulder, it's actual, everything is satisfactual, zip-a-doo-dah, zip-whany-yay, wonderful feeling, wonderful day!

Bluejam: I am not a bluebird!

Narrator: Your name says otherwise. Besides, who says I was singing about you? Any song about you is wasted, anyway. I was singing about my second favorite character.

Kid!Sabo: Glad you like me.

Narrator: *heart-shoujo-eyes* So adorable! 

Kid!Ace: I am allergic to strangers.....

Kid!Luffy: Ne, what is your name?

Narrator: Okay, I must have died and this must be Heaven. There is no other explanation for this cuteness overload!

Bluejam: Great, people forgot about me......?

Narrator: *eye twitches* Shut up, Bluejam, you're ruining the moment!

*title sequence comes up*

Narrator: Welcome to One Piece Abridged: My favorite arcs edition! I am Yuki, and this is the Flashback arc! Three guesses who the main character is, and the first two don't count! Oh, and I am only including the interesting bits!

**The chase is on!**

Narrator: Who is the chaser, and who is being chased? Again, three guesses, and the first two don't count!

Kid!Ace: I don't like the sound of this......

Narrator: *in a sing-song voice* It's bonding time!

Jimson: Hurry it up, Yuki!

Dorron: Yeah, me and my pals are dying to torture the ASL......I mean, get some action!

Narrator: *eye twitches* For what you just said, I will make sure you die the most painful death possible!

Dorron: Mommy......

Narrator: But don't worry, you will get your five minutes in the spotlight, before you die.

*in the forest*

Kid!Luffy: Ace, wait up!

Kid!Ace: Why won't he give up.......? I tried every possible trick in the book to hinder him.

Narrator: You nearly had him killed.

Kid!Ace: He is rubber, he can take it.

Narrator: He fell into the water, remember.

Kid!Ace: Served him right. Time to go meet up with Sabo.

Kid!Sabo: Did someone mention me? *beams* Oh, Ace, glad you could make it!

Kid!Ace: *pouts* No fair, you got a lot more than me.

Kid!Sabo: Don't look so disappointed. It's all going into our pirate fund anyway.

Kid!Luffy: Finally caught up to you, Ace! And you guys want to be pirates! I want to be a pirate too!"

Narrator: It's like the cutepocalypse! Next time: The narwhal.....I mean Bluejam, enters the scene! And I can't wait to sing my rendition of 'The phony King of England'!"


	3. Treasure and fugitives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Narwhal arrives, kills his own first mate and then makes a sinister plot of his plan.

Porchemy the Whale: Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Luffy: Let go of me! Save me, Ace!

Porchemy the Whale: You know Ace? Today must be our lucky day, because that brat stole something from us, and we want it back!

Narrator: Are you referring to your sanity?

Porchemy the Whale: Not now, Yuki. I am bringing this brat to our base so that I can torture him!

Narrator: Fine, your funeral. Meanwhile, in the forest......

Sabo: Ace......

Ace: Yes?

Sabo: That kid......he never told!

Ace: Oh, crap. Rescue time?

Sabo: *nods*

Narrator: And so, Ace and Sabo invade the base and save Luffy. But then, the Narwhal arrives, along with the rest of his gang.

The Narwhal: I don't like how you were beaten by three brats, Porchemy, so Imma kill you myself as punishment.

Narrator: And so the whale dies. Good riddance.

Goon #1: What are gonna do now, Boss?

The Narwhal/Bluejam: We gotta follow the plot. *reading the manual* Okay, so it says in here and we have to meet up with Sabo's shitty dad, who'll offer us a great booty if we return his lost son to him. Does that remind you of anything?

Goon #2: Yes, Boss. Of Fairy Tail. Specifically the Phantom Lord Arccuu, except that there it was a gurl instead of a boi. And the villans of that arccuu planned to milk the gurl's father and siphon out all of his money......

The Narwhal/Bluejam: Perfect. Then that's what we'll do as well.

The Spy: I bet Outlook III would love hearing about this......

The Narwhal/Bluejam: And then we'll be assigned another job by the King himself, who'd offer us an even bigger award.

Narrator: Which definitely won't be a ruse.

The Narwhal/Bluejam: Don't jinx us, Yuki.

Narrator: *singing* Prince John, the phony king of Goa!


	4. Captured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one of our protagonists is captured, by his own parents.

Narrator: Today's events are taking place, where the grass is greener and dense, on the other side of the fence, in a true remake of Dennis the Menace......

Bluejam: ;-;

Narrator: Come to think of it, both Sabo and Dennis are blonde, adventurous, and have boring, capitalistic asshole parents......Speaking of which, here come the cockroaches.

Outlook III: What a lovely day here. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I have my wayward son back.

Narrator: That's so out of character......

Bluejam: For once, I agree with Yuki.

Narrator: I instantly change my mind. *trimming nails*

Bluejam: That was mean.

Narrator: Not as mean as you forcing Sabo to return to that loveless atmosphere. I know you envy him, but trust me, you wouldn't like being in his shoes right now.

Bluejam: You are probably right on that one.....

Narrator: Of course I am.

[meanwhile, in the mansion]

Stelly: Rabble rabble rabble

Sabo: So you are telling me that they'll burn everything, even the people?!

Stelly: Rabble, rabble, rabble

Sabo: Screw this, I am out!

[Batman theme plays in the background]


End file.
